Unmasking My True Self: A Journey from Obligation to Authenticity
“How the F did I get here?? How did I become someone that complains about her job but has stayed in it for over a decade”?? Here I was, a tenured professor with a multi-million dollar maternal health grant. What I thought would feel like a dream felt more like a slow suffocation. Was I grateful for the titles and the platform to help others? Absolutely. Did I encounter numerous battles over ego, money and unpredictable turf wars in the community? Double absolutely. Is this why most days ended with me feeling angry and exhausted? Probably. “This is not what I came here for” kept echoing in my mind. Did I mean, this is not what I came to the University for or did this mean “THIS is not what I came to the universal “here” for? The quote and the ponderings are from my journal entry in December 2021.
Academia had always promised a path to understanding human behavior, to helping people – the very things that make my heart sing. My essential self thrives on curiosity, on diving deep into the intricacies of human experience. But the system? It was slowly suffocating that same passion. Endless bureaucracy, demands to bring in grant funding only to encounter barriers when trying to provide fair pay to my staff, glacial research processes, restrictive publishing models – I was drowning. Yet, I felt torn apart by guilt. How could I want to leave a position so many would kill for? Wasn't I being ungrateful? Greedy? But deeper down, I knew the truth: just because something looks like a dream on paper doesn't mean it's your dream.
Weeks later, life decided to crack my world wide open. The man I believed would be my life partner – the one I'd fallen for knowing his cancer diagnosis, believing together we'd beat the odds – died. In our final conversation, just days before he left this world, he saw me more clearly than I saw myself. "Quit your job," he urged. "Take that life coaching training you've been dreaming about. Write a book."
I did two of those things. The job? Still there, providing security and allowing me to help others but not in a way that is aligned with my dreams. But during a workshop I facilitated called "Embracing Your Authentic Self," I experienced a breakthrough.
Drawing from Martha Beck's wisdom, I agree that we are all born knowing our "essential self" – our true core. But, this essential self gets buried under societal expectations. We create "social selves" designed to fit in, gain approval, and meet external standards. Over time, we become less authentic in our jobs, our relationships with others and worse, we may even become inauthentic with yourself.
Looking back, I saw how I'd made some key life decisions based on social approval rather than my true self. My essential self loves helping others discover their strengths, has an endless curiosity about human behavior, and finds joy in personal transformation stories. Yet, my career path was built on "safe" choices.
This doesn't mean blowing up your entire life. It’s been 4 years since that journal post and I’m slowly, but surely, baby stepping my way back to my full authentic expression professionally and personally. I want to live my life as the best, truest version of myself in every arena. Making changes that you won’t eventually regret is about awareness and intentional alignment. Ask yourself: What parts of my current situation stifle my authentic self? What elements invite my true essence to shine?
My Own Lessons in Authenticity
The Most Important Relationship is with Yourself.Quit waiting for someone else to make you feel smart enough, pretty enough good enough. Get curious about your needs and take action to meet them.
Track What Lights You Up (and Drains You)Use your phone to note moments of pure joy and emotional exhaustion. These are signposts to your authentic path.
Ditch the Comparison TrapYour timeline is uniquely yours. Self-discovery takes time, and that's okay. I’m in my early 50s and instead of just “clocking out”, I’m leveling up.
Trust YourselfPay attention to that gut feeling. Your body knows when something feels right or wrong, even when your mind hesitates.
Surround Yourself with AuthenticityFind people who value genuine living and personal growth. If you don’t have those people, join us at Hear Me Roar Coaching!
I'm still in the "goo" of my metamorphosis, transforming like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Some days are messy, but I'm learning to honor both my essential and social selves.
Remember, knowledge is power. The more you understand about WHY you make certain choices, the more authority you have over your life. You deserve to live fully, authentically, and unapologetically.
Fondly & Fiercely,
Dr. McClain Sampson
References:
Martha Beck's books: Finding Your Own North Star; The Way of Integrity.
